pecet: HOt, HOT, HOT, Powiesc 2/3

wgalazka_at_zoolook.chem.uw.edu.pl

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Kingdom of Dos-a-lot
Chapter 2
        In the cover of night, Sir Optimize rode upon his valiant steed, 
Assem-blur. He glanced behind him to see war-torn village of Dos-a-lot 
in flames. Wyndoes EnnTee Sirvir was ravaging the land and t'was nothing 
he could do about it. Or was there...
        The evil Sategllib may have won the battle, but has he won the 
war? Not according to the twelve coders of the round disk...
        As Optimize approached the crossed trees signifying the meeting 
place, the meeting was already in session.
        "I am telling thee, Sirvir has a weakness!" said Coder Wedge.
        "Fool, Sirvir is not built as Wyndoes 95 is built. It does not 
need Dos-a-lot to survive. We are doomed." proclaimed Coder Biggs.
Optimize said, "No, you are the fool. Sirvir does have a weakness."
        On a bed nearby, King Gatesway tried to get up and speak, but 
pain pinned him down. As he stared at the thatched roof, he spoke in 
slow tones, "Correct, First Coder, there is a weakness. Wyrkstayshuns 
and Sirvirs are more alike than though all knowest."
        "What are you trying to say, my liege?" said Wedge.
        "Sir Optimize knows more, but now I must rest for the final 
confrontation."
        "The final confrontation? Optimize, you must tell us now what 
this is all about!" proclaimed Biggs.
        "The evil Sirvir can be reduced to a mere Wyrkstayshun with the 
mere reconfiguration of one of it's Rejystree options..." said Optimize 
as he developed a smug smirk.
        "Surely you jest, just with my own eyes I can see the 
difference. Not to mention all of it's internal 
workings!" said Wedge.
        "The size is mere padding. It's internal workings are identical 
to Wyrkstayshun, I can assure ye of that."
        "This just... shatters my mind, can it possibly be true?" said 
Biggs.
        "Tis true. See for thine self..." said Optimize as he scribbed 
on a parchment. The parchment read only the following:
http://software.ora.com/news/ms_internet_frame.html
        "Incredible..." said Wedge.
        "Aye." said Biggs.
        "We attack at dawn."
o o o
        Sategllib's maniacal laughter echoed throughout the forest, as 
the vicious Sirvir laid each abode to waste.
        As the sun cracked it's first beams of light over the 
countryside, the vast wasteland became evermore apparent as smolderings 
embers of wood spotted the village.
        The evil preists of Micro$oft were already proclaiming the 
greatness of Dy-rect-ecks to the defecting clans. Like zombies wandering 
aimlessly, one after another agreed to defect from Dos-a-lot to 
Dy-rect-ecks.
        Suddenly, a rock pelted Sirvir on it's back. The immediate 
reaction of swinging around threw Sategllib down, facefirst into a pile 
of dung.
        "Now you smell just like Dy-rect-ecks." someone quipped.
        Sategllib lifted his head and wiped the dung from his eyes. As 
his sight focused, he saw a pair of boots. Looking up ever higher, the 
crest of Dos-a-lot reflected the sunlight into Sategllib's slitted 
retinas.
        "Your billions won't buy you out of this one, Sategllib. FIGHT, 
YOU PASTY-FACED LITTLE NERD!" King Gatesway exclaimed as he dropped a 
sword onto Sategllib's back.
        "That will be your last mistake..." Sategllib shrieked, finding 
the sword rather difficult to lift.
        Gatesway lifted the mighty sword of Pentium into the sky, and 
proceeded to swing it in a circular fashion, as he waited for Sategllib 
to finally lift the sword...
o o o
        As Sirvir began to inspect the source of the thrown rock, 
another one pelted him between the eyes, blinding him temporarily. Just 
long enough to be boarded by the brave Sir Optimize.
        The plan was simple. It was known that by simply changing a 
Rejystree option, Sirvir could be easily toggled between it's seemingly 
invincible Sirvir mode and the much weaker Wyrkstayshun mode. The 
Rejystree was deep within Sirvir, and would invalidate the  lycens 
ahgreemen.
        Optimize took his dagger and ripped a hole into Sirvir's back, 
just large enough to slip inside. Wedge jumped down from a nearby tree 
to keep Sirvir occupied. Biggs continued to pelt the ungodly beast with 
rocks.
        As he searched the Ryjystree, Optimize was shocked at the amount 
of inefficiency inherent in the design of Sirvir. But no matter now, the 
mission was quite clear. He came to a regystree option which matched the 
description given to him by King Gatesway.
        As he attempted to make the change, two spiders came down on 
silken threads stopping Sir Optimize.
"The Wyrker threads is what we be."
"That which we protect, ye shan't see."
"Make this change, ye shall not."
"Leave here now, or ye shall rot."
"We know of your illicit intent."
"This Sirvir ye shall not dent."
        Unconvinced that this was the proper option, Optimize continued 
on.
        After cutting through layer after layer of inefficent rings of 
flab, the target became visible. Optimize quickly moved over to it and 
performed the necessary task...
o o o
        Sategllib finally managed to swing the sword and missed 
miserably, sticking the sword permanently into a rock. As Gatesway went 
to swing at Sategllib, he ran away.
        Gatesway laughed heartily, but the laugh quickly became sadness 
as the stark reality overcame him. The Kingdom of Dos-a-lot had been 
ravaged. The war had truly been lost, they were simply delaying the 
inevitable by destroying Sirvir.
        "I may not be able to defeat you at swordplay, but can you 
defeat me at Monster Chariot Racing?!?! Once you try a state-of-the-art, 
Dy-rect-ecks enabled game made by Micro$oft you will be glad I destroyed 
your puny village!!!" said Sategllib.
        Gatesway sheathed the sword Pentium, and circled Sategllib. Such 
a puny mass of flesh, yet the richest noble in the land. Why had he 
parted from the Coders of the Round Disk many years before. He simply 
could not conform, if he could not set the form.
        "I will accept thine challenge, but be warned. I will never 
betray the fantastic Dos-a-lot."
        Sategllib lost the game to Gatesway.
        "BEST TWO OUT OF THREE!!!"
        Sategllib lost the second game to Gatesway.
        "NOOOOOOOO!"
        "Mildly amusing, too bad about the choppyness, and the overall 
low quality." said Gatesway. 
o o o
        "I DID IT, HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED?" Optimize yelled up to the 
surface.
        "No! Nothing has happened, I repeat, NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!" 
cried out Wedge.
        Biggs pelted another rock at Sirvir and climbed a tree. As 
Sirvir passed underneath, he dropped down next to Wedge. 
        "What happened, has it been done?"
        "Yes, but nothing has happened."
        Inside the monstrosity, Optimize sat down after kicking a rather 
unimportant looking Dee-ell-ell, which was merely sucking away at a 
resource or whatnot. An apparition appeared.
        "Your mission has begun, yet it has not been completed. Another 
regystree option remains, but it is guarded by two "wyrker threds" which 
aim to stop thee. Seek an alternate method and ye shall prevail."
        It suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving behind a 
sword. Optimize picked up the sword, noticing that it looked very much 
like King Gatesway's sword, the good sword Pentium.
        Optimize knew exactly what to do. He returned to the two 
spiders, and quickly slayed them with the sword. After making the 
change, the Sirvir began to shake.
        Wedge and Biggs were thrown off the mighty beast, which was 
quickly becoming a very unmighty beast. As it continued to shrink 
smaller and smaller, Wedge and Biggs wondered if Optimize could escape.
        The Sirvir became smaller and smaller, and Optimize was no where 
to be seen.
o o o
        "That will teach you, you insignificant twerp."
        King Gatesway was dead. Thirteen arrows had struck him in the 
chest.
        "Now for your sword... Hmm, where is it? I can't seem to find 
it. No matter. It is unimportant now."
o o o
        The Sirvir was no bigger than a tree stump now. 
        Suddenly it exploded spreading gore all around the immediate 
area. Curled in a tight ball was Sir Optimize!
        Biggs and Wedge both exclaimed, after wiping their faces of 
Sirvir's remains, "SIR OPTIMIZE! DOST ART ALIVE!"
        "'Course... Had to optimize my body mass to the smallest 
possible space. How'd you think I got my nickname? By being bloated and 
inefficient?" he said with a smile.
        "Now that the menance is dead, let's go find King Gatesway, he 
must've dispatched Sategllib by now!"
        "Let's go!" said both Wedge and Biggs.
        "Not so fast." 
        All three turned around to see Sategllib, wearing Gatesway's 
armor. It had a baker's dozen of holes in it.
        "What have you done with our liege."
        "Oh him? He's dead." Sategllib said said nonchallantly.
        Optimize's anger boiled over, "You miserable wretch!"
        He swung the mighty Pentium at Sategllib, cutting his head off, 
sending it straight into the air. It landed with a thud on a nearby 
flagpole, waving the emblem of Micro$oft. Where do you want to go today?
o o o
        The remaining residents of the Kingdom of Dos-a-lot had attended 
the coronation of King Optimize.
        They were now at Lake Intel, the dead body of King Gatesway laid 
on a raft. As it floated to the center of the lake, King Optimize 
ordered the arrow to be shot.
        A single, flaming arrow arced in the sky, landing directly on 
the raft, setting it ablaze. A moment of silence. An eternity of hope.
        "DOS-A-LOT LIVES ON!" cried King Optimize!