Autor: Artur Zakrzewski (piisa_at_ran.es)
Data: Wed 17 Jan 1996 - 20:24:35 MET
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>
>*File Description: Hacking the Jargon Jungle*
>
>
> Hacking Through the Jargon Jungle
>
>When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like
>"data input" and "beta version." They confused me. I wanted desperately
>to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the
>computer industry.
>
>Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years,
>I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my knowledge
>with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:
>
>Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user
>feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
>
>Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released.
>Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
>
>Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by
>Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow
>Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his
>invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked.
>On April 8, 1945, Adolf became so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format"
>error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's
>death, and Duffy began working for IBM.
>
>CPU. Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer's engine.
>It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning wheel
>that's powered by a running rodent - a gerbil if the machine is a 286,
>a ferret if it's a 386 and a ferret on speed if it's a 486.
>
>Default Directory. Black hole. Default directory is where all files
>that you need disappear to.
>
>Error message. Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame
>on users for the program's shortcomings.
>
>File. A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name.
>It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet -
>except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric
>shock and tells you the file format is unknown.
>
>Hardware. Collective term for any computer-related object that can
>be kicked or battered.
>
>Help. The feature that assists in generating more questions.
>When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate
>through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from
>without learning anything.
>
>Input/Output. Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible
>data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk.
>
>Interim Release. A programmer's feeble attempt at repentance.
>
>Memory. Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety,
>and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.
>
>Printer. A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts:
>the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
>
>Programmers. Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high
>school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons,
>and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create
>"user-friendly" software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.
>
>Reference Manual. Object that raises the monitor to eye level.
>Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
>
>Scheduled Release Date. A carefully calculated date determined by
>estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
>
>User-Friendly. Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept
>that makes perfect sense to a programmer.
>
>Users. Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.
>Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
> - Novice Users. People who are afraid that simply pressing a key
> might break their computer.
> - Intermediate Users. People who don't know how to fix their computer
> after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
> - Expert Users. People who break other people's computers.
>
>
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To archiwum zostało wygenerowane przez hypermail 2.1.7 : Tue 18 May 2004 - 12:38:37 MET DST